You Define Success, You Are In Control
If you’re here you probably fit in one of two categories: you are either a competitor of our firm trying to scout us out, or you are someone contemplating or already engaged in divorce.
Perhaps you’re here to gather information for someone important to you facing a divorce in Burlington County or in Central New Jersey. Divorce is never an easy situation, and the dangers and concerns are exacerbated by the ongoing pandemic and the fallout therefrom.
You may feel stuck in a loveless marriage, exhausted by trying to work things out for years with little success. You may even be in a violent or unsafe situation with a volatile partner. I hope not. Your spouse may have had an affair, or perhaps you have. At any rate, your major is over: in the here and now or very soon.
It is my belief that the single biggest issue to confront in a divorce is not any legal statute or law, not any complex discovery issue or asset to divide, but to address the underlying emotions.
We bring to a divorce a great deal of emotion. Most people getting divorced or contemplating divorce feel a great mixture of emotions. Some clients have described it to me as facing all the stages of grief simultaneously mixed with remnants of love. What could be a more volatile mixture than that?
In a divorce it is often the partner that is taken by surprise who finds it most difficult to move forward. You may offer a very fair settlement of the case, but your ex will not agree because they are held back by a desire to “punish” or seek revenge. Many times children pay the price.
Other people are stubborn and will not agree out of misguided principle. These too are emotional, illogical arguments, and there is no way around it. Divorces do not exist in a vacuum and each case brings with it unique emotions and, yes, baggage.
Some divorcees believe that a divorce is a battleground for a game where they can attempt to inflict harm upon the other party. Often the person attempting to inflict such pain brings just as much harm to themself. We cut our nose to spite our face. Far too often, innocent young children are caught in the crossfire of domestic issues. People going through a divorce sometimes do not understand the nature of their actions because they are too emotionally involved. That is normal. However…
I argue to anyone who will listen that divorce is not a “Game” and shouldn’t be treated as such. This is serious business. Although courtroom procedure and minutia will have to be dealt with, Divorces and family law matters are often a highly personal process that will likely have a great impact upon your future and that of your children. Just as your future changed the day you got married so it will change again the day you or your partner file for divorce and again once the divorce is finalized. You may believe your divorce is an interesting “wizards’ duel” of sorts, but what about the collateral damage being inflicted upon yourself and everyone else around you?
Divorce is a time when many people lose their sense of self. Many people lose their jobs during the divorce because it impacts their concentration and takes up a great deal of time. The alternative of a loveless or abusive marriage is, of course, generally not any better. Understand going in to the divorce that it is a brick-by-brick matter that may take up to a year or more to complete. If you attempt to be measured in your responses and work with an attorney that will do the same, then perhaps you can save yourself a lot of money and a great deal of headaches. Of course, if you’re being pushed around and the other side is not acting in good faith then you’ll have to be more aggressive to neutralize them. Firm but openminded to fairness is a great mindset at the start of a divorce.
Although a lot goes in to the divorce process itself, our firm assists people like you every day in crafting divorces that will reference your unique future goals. What is your ideal parenting arrangement? What assets will you be entitled to? How can you make sure your Prenuptial Agreement will be Enforced? What type of Alimony and Child Support Should be Paid? These are all decisions that will have a long-term impact on your life and the lives of your children. As you read this website or my book, please take notes as appropriate, feel free to highlight sections in the book, we won’t be offended. Come back and reference sections of this website that apply to you and skip over sections that do not. But more than anything else, when first contemplating the end of a marriage, jot down your ultimate goals and do your best to not lose sight of them as the case unfolds.
Our firm’s tagline of “Happily Even After” is a Reminder to Our Clients and Our Firm that Divorce should always be viewed in a global and holistic manner, always maintaining a long view of the future and working toward a breathing document that can address future issues as they arise to avoid costly future litigation.
In our office we have a framed picture of two people in a family law courtroom in the 1990’s (with lawyers and judges present) dividing what must be about a thousand Beanie Babies. They say a picture tells a thousand words— the point of that picture should be self-evident. Do the right thing for yourself and your children, hire the right lawyer, keep informed, don’t lose sight of your goals, and get to your Happily EVEN After as soon as you can.
Divorce can be hell, but it doesn’t have to be. We’ll steer you onto the right path, help you formulate plans and goals, and lead you to your Happily EVEN After.